A Blessing and a Curse

It is the best of times, it is the worst of times, it is the age of well being, it is the age of sickness, it is the epoch of conviction, it is the epoch of hopelessness, it is the season of enlightenment, it is the season of darkness, it is the spring of hope, it is the winter of despair, I have everything I can eat, I have nothing I can eat…

What I think I can eat-- gwuegsa.blogspot.com

This relationship I have with food is much deeper than it seems. We are emotionally entwined, food and I. It has the ability to make me laugh, cry, smile, or sulk. At times I am almost giddy at the thought of trying a new recipe, yet oft times I am bitter at the injustice of it all as I stare longingly at the plentiful plates around me while munching on spinach. Yes I have reached some very high high’s and low low’s. 

 

But as always, nothing is worth going through if you don’t learn something from it, so here is what I have learned: 


·       I have learned that food is not something you should take for granted—I’m not just talking about the fact that we have food, but the ability to eat it as well. My body has taken complete control and now dictates what I will eat and when (which presents quite the problem if I come up empty-handed). 


·       I have learned that I can no longer eat whatever I want. My body is becoming very selective in its “old age”. Two weeks ago I met with a nutritionist, who determined that I have several food intolerances. So, as of now I am on a strict grain-free, sugar-free diet. Surprisingly, I am actually feeling better, but it may be too soon to judge for sure. 


·       I have learned that in order to eat according to certain food allergies, one must make everything from scratch, which means I have given up my fast food, eating out lifestyle. I now make every meal at home, and if I dare to eat out, I have to closely examine the menu or labels to make safe choices (which usually means I end up with a salad).


·       I have learned that cooking is a major commitment. My days now consist of work, cooking, and sleeping. Seriously- it takes me so long to find a recipe online that fits in my guidelines, then I have to run to the store (as I don't have most of the ingredients, such as almond flour or coconut oil). Then I spend the majority of my evening chopping, slicing, baking and frying. Even a little snack can be a huge endeavor (ex- if I'm craving chips, I either have to thinly slice sweet potatoes, toss them in oil, sprinkle with salt and place them in the oven for 30 minutes in order to enjoy a handful of crunchiness). I am working on cooking bigger meals so I have leftovers and cook less often, but it is a work in progress.  


·       I have learned that I am much stronger than I ever thought I could be—I’m not talking about my muscles, which are actually much weaker than before, but about my will power. Those of you who know me well know that I am addicted to sugar- candy specifically.  Normally I have a stash of sweets in my purse, cupboards, car and drawers, with a garbage can full of wrappers. I have changed my ways now and can honestly say, “I can live without candy.” Yes, you can quote me on that. I am honing control over my appetite—though it is not yet perfected, it is quite solid. 


·       I have learned that meals are not just three times a day—in fact I eat about every two hours, which brings me to nearly 6 or 7 meals a day. This means I carry a rather large lunch sack to work and nibble on carrots, celery, nuts, apples and frozen smoothies during the day. On the weekends I fill my purse with snacks, just in case..

What I can really eat! -thank  you joyfulabode.com

·       I have learned that I can cook. Yes, I have years of experience, but most of that was cooking for fun or to satisfy a specific craving, and most of the time I cheated with some sort of mix. And most likely, my old recipes contain ingredients I can no longer eat, which means I am completely re-teaching myself how to cook. Surprisingly I am succeeding-- I have even created a few delicious recipes of my own :)


·       I have learned to listen to my body. I have become very in tune with my body- I can tell what it wants and what it doesn’t. I can tell what to cut out and what to keep, and I know exactly when I need to eat--or when I've waited too long and must suffer the consequences. Even before I met with a nutritionist, I naturally began eliminating things from my diet that I felt my body didn’t want. I stopped eating candy, sweets, and breads--which perfectly align with my new diet. We’ve had a few miscommunications, but those are quickly resolved as I interpret my body's reactions. 


I am slowly rebuilding my relationship with food. There is much that I still need to learn, but my mentor is taking its time teaching me patience, appreciation, cooking skills and healthy habits. It is a long road, but each step takes us closer to a joyous union. 


This is good news for you too, as you can expect some delicious, nutritious, grain-free, sugar-free recipes coming your way!

The Battlefield

When you think of the word "war" terms such as "carnage", "destruction", "guns", and "waste" usually come to mind—but I am waging a war of a different kind.

For the past eight months or so, I have been in a fight with food- not the kind where you throw things, but a fight of a much different nature. In a war like this, terms like “nausea”, “pain”, “loss of appetite”, “frustration”, “hunger” and “dizziness” come to mind.

thephoenix.com

Each time a meal rolls around, we step out on the battlefield, ready to fight to the death (or at least to the pain). So far, food has been winning this battle.

In a relationship like this, sometimes the best rule is to play nice. I’ve tried not to get too angry, vengeful and depressed (although I have had my share of breakdowns). Instead, I have been trying to work through it, pulling out all the stops to end this war.

At first I figured it was a minor tiff that would soon dissipate, then it became an unfriendly neighbor—popping over to rile things up. Now this enemy of mine has declared all out war.

I always have to be on guard- ready for an attack at any moment. While I have mostly been on the defense, I've engaged a few strategies of my own. I have tried cutting things out of my diet that might rouse the enemy, I've tried over-indulging the enemy, and even trying to starve it out—which only succeeded in adding fuel to the fire.

Slowly the other side has been whittling away at me, taking down my defenses, leaving me weak and vulnerable. I've succumbed many a time, calling for a truce or retreat. Finally I had to call in for backups. Now I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve that just might turn the tides. 

We just may sign a peace treaty, food and I.